>Care Bears, Elmos and Transformers…Oh My!


So I stumbled across an Esquire article today about the top Christmas gifts throughout the years that was quite entertaining. It made me reminisce, as well as say “are you friggin’ serious?” on several occasions. You can see the full article at the link below, but let me just recap some of my favorites for you.

2009: Nook eReader. This is like that Amazon Kindle – where you can download and read books on this electronic device slightly bigger than your hand. Call me old fashioned, but I stare at a computer screen all day long – the last thing I want to do is go home and “curl up with a good computer screen.” Um, no. “Yeah, you should totally read this one…it was a real page-turner…er, I mean..hmm…” NO. (Although check back with me in 2011 or so…I usually come around 2-3 years late on such trends.)

2008: Tickle Me Elmo (like, the 37th version). This one apparently is Elmo Live ENCORE! Really, this is just the encore? Close the curtain Elmo…close the curtain. The show is over and your laughing is satanic.

2007: iTouch. Esquire says: Apple’s profits took a slight hit when they had to deal with a lawsuit filed by an irate mother claiming her child’s iTouch burst into flames while in his pocket, igniting his pants and “nylon/spandex underwear.” Forget the iTouch – now I’m digressing…what child wears spandex underwear? I think we have a bigger issue than flaming iPods here…no pun intended on the “flaming.”

2004: RoboSapiens. I missed this one completely, sadly enough. Apparently this robot has programmed movements including burping and farting. There must not have been a new Elmo made in 2004…

2002-2003: Beyblades. I’ve read the description of these three times now and still don’t know what the hell they do or why any child would be interested in them. Oh wait, there’s a picture…

Ok, this explains a lot.

2000: Razor Scooters.
Remember these things? They’re still pretty hot, amongst the kids I think. However, personally, I rank these right up there with those shoes with wheels in them. I mean, really – how fat are we trying to make the future generation by telling them they no longer have to walk…anywhere. To quote Chandler on Friends, “Here kids – roll your way to childhood obesity!”

1998: Furbies.
These things are scarier than Elmo. That is all.

1997: Tomagotchi.
Ok, finally, something I can relate to. This little Japanese wonder once captivated me, as well. Let’s see…1997…I was 14 and probably too old to care about this electronic egg baby, but I did. It was on a key chain, fit easily in your pocket, and you had to feed it and clean up huge piles of poop, therefore fostering and growing this little egg into a…Tomagotchi? It just occurred to me I don’t know what that is, really…a dog, a cat? Who knows. They eventually outlawed these at RCHS becuase we students were more concerned if our electronic egg babies were growing, than we were with our Pre-Calculus assignment, which made them even cooler, of course. Anyways – when the sucker died you could start over. However, according to Esquire, some owners found it too cruel to “start over” and buried their Tomagotchi in real pet cemeteries. I’m embarrassed to have been a part of this movement, now. Some weirdos ruin it for the rest of us normal people who just want to clean up our electronic pet’s electronic poop!

1996: Tickle Me Elmo.
I’ve spoken my peace here.

1990: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
I think I used to have a crush on Donatello. He was the purple one, right? Cowabunga dude. AND, I can’t not mention this – how delicious did the pizza always look on the cartoon? Josh and I always wanted to eat cartoon pizza…it looks so cheesy and delightful!

1985: Care Bears.
I friggin’ love the Care Bears. But…you know how something seems so normal and wholesome when you’re a kid, and then you re-watch it or re-visit it as an adult and it seems really scary and strange? Yeah – thanks Esquire – check this out if you dare: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNm5Hqow78I. I had the same experience with the movie the Labyrinth when David Bowie dances around to that song “The Magic Dance.” I used to love that part of the movie and danced around singing along – but a few years ago I caught the movie again on TV, and after throwing up in my mouth a little bit I realized that Bowie is apparently not wearing underwear under his white unitard. Ah childhood innocence.

1984: Transformers.
These things were awesome. Josh and I used to shoot them (and G.I. Joes) with BB guns. Then Megan Fox had to come along and make it even more awesome.

1983: Cabbage Patch Kids.
This was the year of my birth, so it’s no coincidence maybe that I’m so partial to these fat bald babies. I had my fair share of Cabbage Patch kids and thoroughly enjoyed them. However, this may be one of those things again that kind of scares you as an adult. See below and particularly that one on the right that’s about to Chucky doll that girl’s face off.

Ok, this takes it back 26 years to the year of my birth, so I’ll stop here, but there are more treasurers in the full article if you want to read it.

Last thing I’ll say is, where were the Popples dolls? Does anyone remember Popples? Those things were AWESOME. I mean, their legs folded up into their own butt pouch and they became a legless, top-heavy, ball of Care Bear-wannabe joy. I miss the Popples.

And Fraggle Rock.



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