>I was helping Rog house-hunt over the weekend on Craigslist.com, which I just love by the way. I love Craigslist and love looking at the rental properties on the site. However, I was quickly taken back to 2006 when Wendy and I moved in together and I was doing the house-shopping for us on Craigslist. I’d find a great post with a great looking place and wonderful description that sounded just perfect – and I’d show up to see the property and wonder if I was looking at the same place, and waiting on Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC to pop out and tell me “if this had been real, you could have been within minutes of your life…” Awesome – where’s the hot tub…the ad said there was a hot tub….
So, Craigslist shoppers, I give you the following cheat sheet. On the left, what it says on the post – and on the right, what they really mean (according to Jenn.)
Cottage – about as big as a storage shed or shack.
Charming – dilapidated.
Quaint – so small I couldn’t stand to live in it any longer, so I’m going to try to rent it for an un-Godly amount of money, to you!
“All the space you need!” – “You can stand in the living room, put your arms out and touch both sides of the house!”
“Won’t Last Long….” – Yes it will. Matter of fact, it’ll be posted every hour on the hour for the next two weeks until you are so annoyed with the poster that you prank call him by screaming into the phone and hanging up….every time he re-posts.
“Look no further!” – “Don’t even bother clicking this link.”
“Pets considered” – “Forget it. Unless it’s a pet rock or Chia Pet, no pets.”
Cozy – (see “quaint”, above.)
“Minutes from downtown” – “After you wind your way through the ghetto, stop every 20 feet to let a homeless person push their stolen shopping cart full of other stolen goods in front of your car, you finally make it to the interstate, and yes, then it’s only minutes from downtown….IF it’s 2 a.m. and there’s nobody else on the road – otherwise, it’s about 45 minutes from downtown.”
“Great neighbors!” – “they won’t tell on you for sneaking in your cat without paying the pet fee, if you don’t tell on them for keeping their sizeable marijuana crop in your shared basement.”
“Completely remodeled” – “The microwave, oven and dishwasher are NOT circa de 1920 like the rest of the house. They’re more like circa de 1990.”
“Lots of extras” – “Please notice the new hand-painted light-switch covers I purchased at the Big Lots after-Christmas sale.”
“Hardwood floors” – “…the only redeeming quality about this place, so I’ll put it in the subject line and it’s the only thing I’ll post pictures of.”
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of awesome stuff on there too….but keep a sense of humor about it if you’re house-hunting 😉