>Running on Fumes

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Many of you over the past year or so have emailed or commented on the blog and said how you’ve been inspired by my running, or at least my blogging about running – so if you’re one of those people, you may want to momentarily divert your eyes. Or at least get out your tiny violin for me.

I started running pretty regularly in 2009. I was running almost everyday –just 2-3 miles after work as a serious stress reliever. The events of 2009 either called for said stress reliever, or killing people – so I went with running. I loved it – loved to sweat, loved the escape, loved to lose a couple pounds here and there.

Then in 2010 I got serious and set my first big goal – a half marathon. I hadn’t even ever run a 5K before I ran my first half marathon. I trained religiously and stuck to a schedule – totally getting runner’s brain and putting that schedule first, before most anything. I felt SUCH a sense of accomplishment after that first half mary in April of 2010.

Afterwards, I took a little break and just ran a few miles here and there, then in July jumped back on the training bandwagon and started training for my second half. I completed it in September.

In between January and September, I added a physical therapist to my speed dial. I apparently ran “wrong” (who knew? – as long as I wasn’t throwing up in the bushes, I figured there was no wrong way to run) and after my first 10 mile training run, knocked a bone out of line in my foot. After two weeks off, I started running “correctly” and injured my knee soon after because of the new running style. Since then I’ve also battled terrible shin splints and possibly a minor stress fracture (although I refused to give the PT anymore money, so that’s just my educated guess.) MY POINT – it’s been a struggle, friends. Keep in mind, the doc told me I was “built to run.” Really? REALLY!? TBD.

On top of that, I’m always SO nervous that I’m going to have a “bad” run or fail and not get my mileage in, that I get so anxious before every long run, that (without being too specific…) – well friends, I can hardly get out of the bathroom and out the door some days. How ridiculous is that? It makes me SO anxious and so nervous that I’m going to let myself down or that my body isn’t going to perform like I need it to, that I get physically all bent out of shape.

I wake up and think “do I have to run today? Ugh – I hope not…oh good, not till tomorrow.” And that royally stinks – because I used to LOVE running. I cried my face off when I got hurt the first time, because I couldn’t run for two weeks. FLASH FORWARD – and on Sunday, I cried my face off TWICE during a run, because it sucked so bad and I wanted to go home.

I am going to do my dangdest to get through this upcoming half marathon, but I’m not making any promises. I want to fall in love with running again – and I’m starting to think the only way to do that is to stop running on someone else’s schedule, stop putting so much stress on myself to check these runs off the list each week and run for me – when I want to, how far I want to, and as little or as much as I want to.

So that’s that – my current runner’s brain, is running on fumes. And needs to be refueled…with some rest, perhaps. Maybe some simple 5Ks or 10Ks.

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XOXO,
Jenn

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2 thoughts on “>Running on Fumes

  1. >I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!! Girl, I do the EXACT same thing….I get so frustrated with running when I have to follow a schedule perfectly and I get really anxious too. Know that you are not alone. I am so sorry about your injuries….that breaks my heart. Do what is best for YOU and what makes you happy!! Have a great day!

  2. >Jenn!Here's my advice! Don't stop running!!!! Just stop sticking to someone else's plan! I have never and will never run with a group or do any kind of actual training…I love to run because I simply love to run! Life is always crazy and running is always my relief…whether it's 2 miles or 13 miles…it never matters to me! Most days I don't have a clue how many miles I'm going to run…I just run and whatever that mileage is for the day, is what that mileage is for the day. I don't train for any of the halfs or for my 18.6 mile run…I just do what I want to do. My plan is to do Nashville full..I may run 20 miles before then…I may not…whatever is fine with me! Get out of your head and find comfort and joy and relief and fun in each step that you take! I am always anxious before races, but it's the anxious feeling of running with so many people and being among some great supporters and the accomplishment of just running in a race! You do have to take breaks from time to time…but find your love again…do it for you, not for a race you want to run in!

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