Heavy Heart, Light Wallet

I know I run the risk of jinxing myself if I put it all out there, but I’m going to do it anyways. Yesterday I made what I hope will be my last mortgage payment on a townhouse that I’ve had on the market for 25 months. Actually, 24 months and 24 days, but who’s counting?

I guess the market had slowed, right about the time we (you can figure out for yourselves who the other half of that “we” is) put it on the market – but nobody suspected it would absolutely tank the way it did, shortly after.

I remember putting it on the market and immediately looking for rental properties that I could move into, when it sold real soon. Ha – oh you sweet naïve thing, you. I never dreamed it would take this long.

I have been eating this entire  monthly mortgage payment for over two years and cannot wait to unload this thing. But really, it’s more than that. I can’t wait for a little family to love this home like I did. I think about the very little I know about the family with a contract on my home, and I picture them there. How they will just love the house, love the neighborhood, love coming home to it every day, love making dinners together in that kitchen, love sitting on the deck and hearing the frogs and crickets sing – I want someone to love my little house like I did.

There’s still so much that could fall through – loans, contingencies, etc. but I am so hopeful that God has found the perfect little family for the perfect little townhouse. And that I can finally cut the ties and move on. I didn’t realize until I heard the words “they accepted our offer – congratulations” from my realtor, and it felt like a 100 pound weight lifted off my chest, just how much it was tying me down. This thing — this mortgage payment and the baggage tied to me because of it — has been so, so heavy on my head and my heart.

Every time my phone buzzes I hesitate to pick it up, in case it’s my realtor saying something fell through. “If I don’t look at the text…it’s not real!”

I know that if something falls through with this buyer, that all will be fine and we’ll just be one step closer to the right buyer. But I sure hope this is it – for everyone’s health and sanity. I want so badly to move on. Physically and mentally.


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