Every year the Nashville Scene publishes an issue called “You’re so Nashville if…” compiled of Nashvillians’ submissions. It’s awesome. There are lots of submissions that are hilarious no matter where you live, but definitely some that wouldn’t make sense to someone outside the borders of Nashvegas.
You can see the entire list HERE, but below are a few favorites. (I tried to put a small explanation on a few, for you out-of-towners).
You are so Nashville if…
Your mayor never smiles, but your governor never stops. —Zack Bennett (you just have to know them)
You demand to see Darius Rucker’s birth certificate. —Bill Hench
You think of Springwater Supper Club as a lifestyle choice and not a dive bar. —Billy Wayne Davis (see my post about visiting the Springwater here).
All of the things that your religion condemns are found along Church Street. —Wando Weaver (Church St. is home to Nashville’s gay bars, liquor stores and the Hustler Hollywood Store. The irony is amazing).
You know that the best way to avoid traffic after a Vandy football game is to stay until the end. —Zack Bennett
You consider Jack White a Nashville native, but totally disown Ke$ha. —Zack Bennett
You noticed that Bob Mueller smiled a little bit more when he reported that Jeff Fisher was leaving the Titans, knowing that he had outlasted yet another mustache. —Zack Bennett (Um, here’s a picture of Bob, and I think that’s enough explanation. He’s been on the air for….a while).
You’re now the proud owner of a life raft, a snowmobile and a storm shelter. —Jamie Yost
Your governor looks like the Church Lady. —Ken Lass
You missed the 10 p.m. news because you drove home from work in 1 inch of snow. —Bill Hench
You live in a 100-unit condo building with two other residents. —Ben Morton
You paid your Belle Meade Country Club dues with a Groupon. —Randy Smith
You hear U2 is playing Vanderbilt and think they can beat them by 10 points. —John Dotson
You secretly hoped they’d rebuild Opryland instead of Opry Mills. —Bob Roberts
You were lying down on your couch when Fox 17 News reported Nashville ranked eighth among the top 10 least active cities in America. —Matt North
You think the cicadas’ first thoughts upon hatching were “What the hell happened to Opryland?” Mike Dorr
You’ll fry a cicada up and eat it, but you’ll be damned if that newfangled restaurant in the Gulch tries to put arugula on your burger. —Robin Cohn
You have 38 of this month’s Contributor on your car’s floorboard. —Trent Hanner (The Contributor is a newspaper sold by Nashville’s homeless population. They are on literally every street corner selling to you while you’re in your car).
You saved your dollar because the Contributor guy didn’t look homeless enough. —Cayla Bland
Again, just a small, but quality selection.